There’s a scene in Die Hard I keep replaying in my head.
Terrorists have taken over an LA high rise and the police have dispatched a heavily armed RV to take the building back. But the terrorists are prepared and fire rockets at the vehicle. Bruce Willis as rogue cop John McClane is 30 stories up and isn’t going to stand for it. He has found the terrorists’ endgame on the rooftop — a bunch of C4 and the detonators needed to blow the skyscraper’s top sky high. Grabbing a block of explosives, McClane jams a few detonators into the putty… and then thinks better of it. “Fuck it,” he says and jams a few more detonators before hurtling it down the elevator shaft. Those extra detonators make for an even bigger bang to take out some terrorists.
Now, a lot of folks are covered in glass after this, but Bruce saves the day… and will keep saving it.
Overkill? Maybe. But effective.
***
I haven’t been having a lot of fun lately. I’ve tried. And I’ve tried to embrace adventure and opportunities, to use my time wisely. And yet, I am suffering from the same problem I always seem to have – rarely am I living in the moment. I’m always looking to what’s next, viewing what I’m doing as little more than what I need to get through to get to the next thing on the calendar. It’s a flaw that was a strength when running a company. But it was also a flaw then as I didn’t have much fun running that business either.
And so somewhere during the 13 hour layover in China, I vowed on this trip to try and live for the now. The future seems ever more… unknowable. There’s so much anger and vitriol and divide in the world. And maybe it’s always been this way but it feels ever more oppressive and expansive at the moment.
It has depressed me… it continues to depress me… to think how little progress has been made toward a more perfect union, both at home internally and as citizens of the world. There is no planet B as the kids say these days.
But I’m aiming for an existentialist view: given the future is so unknowable, maybe I should be more focused on the here and now. I should savor time with friends and family. I should soak up experiences and marinate in the moment.
To that end, even though running the Seoul marathon may screw up running later, it also may not. And not running the Seoul marathon may speed recovery… or it may not. But I do know that skipping running hasn’t resulted in increased happiness. So, in the words of Bruce Willis, “fuck it.”
I’m sitting here in my tiny Airbnb cubicle in South Korea, my hip/rump aching from a bruise or pulled muscle or age or Pheidippides knows what. I feel like my running shoes are detonators and my pudgy body is a block of C4.
“Fuck it,” I say, jamming safety pins through my bib and onto my running shorts, prepping for the dawn.
This is potentially a very, very, RIDICULOUSLY very bad idea.
But…
Yippie kay yay, Mister Falcon.
Side note: I’m taking plenty of money, a T-card, and a credit card to make sure I can drop out and get back to my AirBnB place if necessary. It just seems like from a mental health perspective, I needed to try. We’ll know in a few hours if that was the right decision or not.