I was better. I am better. But I’m now feeling worse than I was feeling. Not worse than I was a week ago but worse than I was yesterday or the day before. My leg is mostly okay but there’s a pain in my back, a knot. I think it’s partially injury related and partially stress.
I’m feeling anxious and uncertain. Maybe that’s the doom and gloom of a fizzling Mueller Report that won’t resolve any of the long-standing issues of the current geo-political climate. Maybe it’s fear of the unknown regarding tomorrow’s LA Marathon.
I have a backup plan, such that the halfway point is just a few blocks from my house. I can always quit the race at the point and literally slink home. I don’t want to do that… as I would still need to go get my car down in Santa Monica. It’s the 10th Anniversary of the Stadium to the Sea course for LA. I’ve run this a few times. The logistics has us parking at Santa Monica (the sea) and shuttle busing back to the stadium for the start. To get to my car, I would need to run back to it… or I guess I could Uber there. Hmmm….
My brother is running LA again this year after a hiatus. He’s feeling worried and anxious too, returning to run and unsure of himself. I think he’s nursing a lingering injury himself. But I know he’ll do great. He just needs to start. So do I.
The waiting is a hard part. And it never gets any easier. I’ve run a lot of races in a lot of conditions, both environmental and personal. And tomorrow is going to be a pretty good day, if a bit warmer than ideal. But I just need tomorrow to come. I just need to start.
Ugh. And I dread the multi-hour wait from the time it takes to get the shuttle bus to get to the stadium to waiting around for the start to happen.
So much waiting. So much more time for anxiety, for psyching myself out.
One foot in front of the other.
I just hope my back doesn’t play up any more than it has.
Sigh.
Sigh sigh.
Sigh sigh sigh.
Breathe. Just breathe.
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