Once more from the top. I’ve downloaded my old Non-Runner’s Marathon Guide 4-month training calendar. I’ve accelerated it, perhaps foolishly thinking the decades of running entitles me to a faster recovery/rebuilding. And yet the reality of the huffing and puffing in these opening minimum mileage salvos has me wondering and lamenting just how much cardio, endurance, and athleticism I’ve lost in the month plus of a stress fracture abstinence.
Between us, I’m still not sure if I’m “pain free” with the 1.56 mile loop runs I’ve been doing this week. Is it all in my head, a fear induced phantom pain and worry? Is it real? Will I ever know the difference?
I signed up for a weekly individual training session at a local fitness gym. They robotically scanned and assessed my stats – BMI, fat to muscle ratios, TRU Body score and various other acronyms. There’s a lot of red warning flags in that report, lots of underwater percentiles. On top of the malaise from dopamine withdrawal stemming from non-existent or at best very low running mileage, these training sessions contribute to a low morale/physicality.
Not sure how this is going to play out. Maybe it doesn’t. I had traded some texts with folks and they said I should look at hanging it up, that maybe my body was telling me something with all this. But what else would I do? The alternatives I’ve sought so far have proven less than successful as well. Others would say that just means I need to keep looking for something that does provide the endorphin and health benefits. But it’s feeling overwhelmingly negative these days.
And so I retreat to what I know. An eight week plan to a marathon. Failure feels inevitable.